Elf on the Shelf: Thanks for NO Help!

Yes, I jumped on the bandwagon.  I had heard a little about buying an elf and how everyone’s children transformed into perfectly behaved angels once reminded that their elf was watching.  I will admit I was lured in by the thought of using a plastic/plush toy to fool my children into good behavior… Even if it was only for a month. CBS aired a half hour cartoon depicting the tale and personal journey of Chippy, the Elf on the Shelf.  Baby boy and Diva Darling demanded to watch it at least six times a day, and being that I too was enchanted I happily obliged. How else would I have heard the word “Extravaganzalorious”?! (use it daily)  I quickly purchased our very own elf, but I should have seen the signs:

-        Naming the Elf: Diva demanded he be named “Angel”.  Baby boy insisted on “Bumblebee”. I came to the conclusion FOR them after their disagreement resulted in Baby boy taking a hand full of the Diva’s hair while firmly chanting “Bumblebee, Bumblebee, Bumblebee…….”  He lost by default.

-        Removing the Elf from his Box: Baby boy immediately touched it… Which we all now know if an Elf is touched by a child said Elf loses his magic.

DEAD RIGHT OUT OF THE WATER

   Yet, their excitement did not fane.  That is until three days later pre-teen daughter loudly points out in front of the babies “Wow, that elf hasn’t moved in a lot of days…. Guess you two broke it!” Commence melt-down times two.

Since then I will admit, the Elf rarely moves.  To which I explain with “Well Angel was just so tired from flying to see Santa that he just landed where he used to be!”  Followed with “Guess he’s just lazy…” from the teenager.  Just file this parenting gem along with the massive tab the tooth fairy owes the pre-teen.  Seriously, what kid loses teeth constantly from age 6-11?!

 Miraculously their faith in Angel has yet to be deterred, yet neither has their behavior.  When/if daddy or mommy attempt to use “Angel is watching you…” as a tantrum, fight or bad attitude deterrent the behavior does immediately stop.  It stops because the given behavior becomes worse.  That fit they were throwing?  Compound that with the “NOWIMNOTGETTINGANYPRESENTS” fit.  NOT PRETTY!

   

 Lesson learned.  I should never have expected my children to be governed by the spying of a lazy elf.  As Diva Darling pointed out “Santa is always watching! And Jesus sees everything and they still love us so we will still get presents!!!” Touché’ young one!

<still waiting on this lazy elf to wrap all the presents he might have told Santa NOT to “make” had he flown to the North Pole.  Perhaps I held him hostage…. I will never tell!>

Interview with My Children

How well can you say you know your children?  As infants we know every detail about our children.  We know what their cries mean, their favorite position to be held and every physical attribute and from which parent they inherited it.  As our children grow from completely dependent infants to independent teenagers and then (hopefully!) self-sufficient adults we lose grasp as to all the details that come together and form their personalities.  I decided to conduct annual interviews with my children so that as I grow old and senile, and they grow older and more independent we can all look back and have a glimpse of their personalities as children.  My only regret is that I hadn't had this idea sooner for the Teenage Boy and Tween Girl.  So much of who they were has been lost in a hormonal cloud of "I don't want to", "This sucks" and "Can I go to my room now?!".  At least now they can look back to their teen and tween years and realize "Wow, Molly REALLY did know everything!" <---- Insert wishful thinking.

So here it is in randomly selected order (by that I mean whomever I could coerce into sitting with me and my lap top at the kitchen table)-

First Up! Tween Girl.  Freshly 11 years old and eager to answer my questions (after I drug her out of her room and informed her that yes, she was indeed required to participate).

1-   Favorite color?
Purple 

2- Favorite animal?
Panda Bear

3- What do you want to be when you grow up?
Teacher

 4- Favorite food? 
Anything pasta

 5-  If you could have anything in the world what would that be?
A grand piano

 6-  If you could change anything about the world what would you change?
Would make everything cheaper.  That would make everything easier on everyone
 
Future politician perhaps?


7- What is your favorite thing about yourself?
I stand up for others
 
8- Rate your parents 1-10, 1 being horrible 10 being the best.
6
 
9- Favorite celebrity-
Amy Lee from Evanesence
 
10- Favorite thing about your life right now-
Having music

Answers from Tween Girl were not difficult to get.  Her deciding on one particular answer proved to be the challenge.  I will say that I have an incredibly well rounded and secure Tween daughter.  <High-fives myself>



Next up- Diva Daughter 4.89   Will be 5 in less than a month and so full of personality I am not sure I can paint a clear enough picture with this Q&A

1-   Favorite color?
Red 
 (Sniff sniff, it's been pink ever since she could talk.  Oh how they change)

2- Favorite animal?
Sheep... But only 1
 
3- What do you want to be when you grow up?
Clothes Designer
 
4- Favorite food?
Green beans and mashed potatoes
 
5-  If you could have anything in the world what would that be?
Make up
 
6-  If you could change anything about the world what would you change?
Would leave the lights on everywhere....It's scary in the dark!
 
7- What is your favorite thing about yourself?
I cheer really loud

"This is hard mommy"


8- Rate your parents 1-10, 1 being horrible 10 being the best.
61
(I hope we stay this high in the ratings for.... Well, forever)
 

9- Favorite celebrity
Justin Beiber
 
10- Favorite thing about your life right now-
Coloring


Now that I think about it..This does capture her pretty well.


3rd up is the Teen Boy at 14.75 (yes, my genius teen boy ran the numbers and gave me all my decimals) .  He walked slowly out of his room extremely skeptical about why I was asking so many questions, but after seeing that he wasn't my first victim he sat down.  Arms crossed, fierce stare into oblivion and an arsenal of HUFFS and SIGHS.... BUT he sat down :)

1-   Favorite color?
Dark red

 2- Favorite animal?
Lion
 
3- What do you want to be when you grow up?
Not really sure........ Anything in the Culinary Arts, Psychology or Technology

"Uggggghhhh Camden why don't you have any underwear on....?!"


<Insert break for mommy while she chased the streaker> 

4- Favorite food?
Mac-N-Cheese casserole..... Iced coffee.... Wait, can it be a drink?
 
5-  If you could have anything in the world what would that be?
Drama free life
 
6-  If you could change anything about the world what would you change?
People in it.... Would change people's focus from little things.
 
7- What is your favorite thing about yourself?
My relationships with friends
 
8- Rate your parents 1-10, 1 being horrible 10 being the best.
7.5 <--- After much thought and wanting to rate us separately.  I was selfish and wanted to feed off of daddy's high marks.
 
9- Favorite celebrity-
Marylin Manson


(Teenage angst anyone?)

10- Favorite thing about your life right now-
School, because I am not at home and can be with my friends

Contrary to what you may be thinking we both walked away from this without any altercation or cuts, bruises, etc.


Last but certainly not least was my super distracted 3.5 year old that so desperately wanted to go play he gave me one word answers and stuck to them.  These are not edited.... I swear.

1-   Favorite color?
Lellow (yellow) 
 (Note- it was Pink 10 minutes ago..) 

2- Favorite animal?
A piggie. Because they do like this "SNOOOOORT"
 
3- What do you want to be when you grow up?
An airplane


Me- "Hey, didn't we just put your underwear back on!?" 



4- Favorite food?
Me- "Teen Boy quit influencing his answer!"
 A pirate...

 5-  If you could have anything in the world what would that be?
A monster

 6-  If you could change anything about the world what would you change?
A batman

 7- What is your favorite thing about yourself?
Me- "COOOOME back here!"

Baby Boy- "Shhhhhh mommy!"
 
8- Rate your parents 1-10, 1 being horrible 10 being the best.
R 

9- Favorite celebrity-
Jack the Pumpkin King 

10- Favorite thing about your life right now-
Me- "Come back here.... Last question I promise!"
 Batman





There you have it.  I encourage you to do the same.  Sit down with your children ask them how they see themselves.  The answers may surprise you!

 *Idea for interviews taken from a professional blogger (can't remember who nor where), questions formed on the fly

Picky Eaters Should Starve

        Okay so the title is a little harsh… Yet I still feel the need to scream at the top of my lungs “EAT WHAT I COOKED!” loud enough the starving children in Rwanda can hear me. At least they would happily oblige… Yet I have put on my brave face, saved my voice and pulled off one of the many mommy-moves I vowed to never do- I send my children to bed hungry.  Yep, there I said it. With growling bellies and tearful eyes my children go to bed.  Not because of some sob story where there was no food in the house, abusive parents, blah blah blah.  All the drama and deprivation because mommy tried a new recipe tonight that didn’t involve Betty Crocker’s boxed intervention and they stuck up their cute little noses and demanded Cheetos.  

        Growing up as the middle of five children the cliche’ saying of “Slow down, the food isn’t going anywhere” didn’t apply.  If we didn’t want it someone else did.  And if we didn’t eat hastily the little red head would get the rest of the mashed potatoes! Older sister would get the last dinner roll!  There was no shortage of food in our home but there certainly wasn’t a shortage of competition to devour it either.  From this I have learned to love all food.  I vary from liking the deep fried to the totally Vegan.  I can happily eat Bar-B-Que for lunch and then a vegetable medley for dinner.  When it comes to food this momma doesn’t discriminate, if it’s edible I will try it! My husband on the other hand has a severe aversion to anything outside of a day care’s menu for 2 year olds.  At the top of his list are chicken (fried preferably), spaghetti sauce (but no tomatoes, onions or “chunkies” added) and mac-n-cheese.  Do you know how difficult it is to command your children to eat their broccoli while daddy’s plate is entirely “green free”? Or to insist that they try a new recipe when daddy is in the kitchen making himself a pizza because he witnessed mommy using Cream of Something or Another in the dish? I sometimes consider feeding my children an hour before my husband.  That way they won’t have to try my new concoction while daddy enjoys his pre-school delicacy.  

          All difficulty aside I thought that by my children witnessing my eating habits they would conform accordingly.  I have been awoken from this day dream to face the harsh reality of tonight’s dinner being thrown to the floor in a fit of “I DON’T LIKE THIS” rage.   As much as I would like to complain I will admit that my children's eating habits are all different.  Teenage Boy devours all food in sight.  Not because he is totally taken aback by my culinary talent but because his already 5’11 175lb frame and intense need to eat has turned him into a human garbage disposal.  Upon trying out a new recipe I smiled as he ate his entire plate, got seconds and then thirds.  That smile was gone when he stated “Eh, that was okay…. It would be better like this…..” Sigh. The fact that there are no leftovers cannot be attributed to my cooking triumph but simply to the fact that from the minute I get home until dinner is served I FORBID him to put a morsel of food in his mouth.  Therefore when I raise the gates he clears the pan before I can blink and then tells me what I did wrong. When I met Tween Girl she was just as picky as her father.  I should have taken that as a warning sign, but being that she was actually in the age group these foods are aimed at I thought “Oh, she will out-grow it”.  Five years later and dinner usually starts with her fixing herself 1/3 of a spoon full of whatever I have cooked and ends with her in tears when she’s told that she must clean her plate before she is allowed to even think about getting up.  As torturous as it may sound I am saved by my red-card tactic, “You made your plate so you can clean your plate”.  Works every time! Then there is our diva daughter.  I used to pull my hair out trying to get this child to eat.  If there was meat anywhere near her plate nothing would be touched by her fork.  Then soon after she turned 4 a light bulb turned on in her head “Whoa if I make a happy plate (our term for a completely clean plate) I can have some of that yummy ice cream mom bought at the store today!”  Thus my little vegetarian has become my happy plate pioneer! And she gets her ice cream to boot.  By far my biggest difficulty is with Baby Boy.  As soon as the simple mention of dinner is made and the pots and pans removed from their home he squeals and shrieks “Ewwwwww I donlikeit!!!”  It’s all down-hill from there.  Although I will credit him for his many tactics-

A-     Sneak a toy to the table, maybe mommy won’t notice I’m not touching my food.

 

B- Convince mommy to spoon feed me while insisting I am a big boy. 

                    

And finally his new favorite-

C-     Swallow what mommy makes me eat and then gag myself until I throw it all up....All over my plate. 

 

 C is entirely new and earned him a quick ejection from the dinner table.Score 3 for Baby Boy and 0 for mommy. 

           I know that they won’t actually allow themselves to starve and that when they are hungry they will eat.  Baby Boy proved that when we searched for him for 20 minutes only to find him cowering in a corner devouring a box of Cheese-Its, resourceful indeed. Yet the nights of sending Baby Boy, Tween Girl and occasionally Diva Daughter to bed with empty bellies I am left with a heavy heart.  I swore long ago that my children would never go hungry, yet at least 3 nights a week my children brush their teeth and climb into bed with growling tummies.  As much as it pains me (and them) I am sticking to it!