Picky Eaters Should Starve

        Okay so the title is a little harsh… Yet I still feel the need to scream at the top of my lungs “EAT WHAT I COOKED!” loud enough the starving children in Rwanda can hear me. At least they would happily oblige… Yet I have put on my brave face, saved my voice and pulled off one of the many mommy-moves I vowed to never do- I send my children to bed hungry.  Yep, there I said it. With growling bellies and tearful eyes my children go to bed.  Not because of some sob story where there was no food in the house, abusive parents, blah blah blah.  All the drama and deprivation because mommy tried a new recipe tonight that didn’t involve Betty Crocker’s boxed intervention and they stuck up their cute little noses and demanded Cheetos.  

        Growing up as the middle of five children the cliche’ saying of “Slow down, the food isn’t going anywhere” didn’t apply.  If we didn’t want it someone else did.  And if we didn’t eat hastily the little red head would get the rest of the mashed potatoes! Older sister would get the last dinner roll!  There was no shortage of food in our home but there certainly wasn’t a shortage of competition to devour it either.  From this I have learned to love all food.  I vary from liking the deep fried to the totally Vegan.  I can happily eat Bar-B-Que for lunch and then a vegetable medley for dinner.  When it comes to food this momma doesn’t discriminate, if it’s edible I will try it! My husband on the other hand has a severe aversion to anything outside of a day care’s menu for 2 year olds.  At the top of his list are chicken (fried preferably), spaghetti sauce (but no tomatoes, onions or “chunkies” added) and mac-n-cheese.  Do you know how difficult it is to command your children to eat their broccoli while daddy’s plate is entirely “green free”? Or to insist that they try a new recipe when daddy is in the kitchen making himself a pizza because he witnessed mommy using Cream of Something or Another in the dish? I sometimes consider feeding my children an hour before my husband.  That way they won’t have to try my new concoction while daddy enjoys his pre-school delicacy.  

          All difficulty aside I thought that by my children witnessing my eating habits they would conform accordingly.  I have been awoken from this day dream to face the harsh reality of tonight’s dinner being thrown to the floor in a fit of “I DON’T LIKE THIS” rage.   As much as I would like to complain I will admit that my children's eating habits are all different.  Teenage Boy devours all food in sight.  Not because he is totally taken aback by my culinary talent but because his already 5’11 175lb frame and intense need to eat has turned him into a human garbage disposal.  Upon trying out a new recipe I smiled as he ate his entire plate, got seconds and then thirds.  That smile was gone when he stated “Eh, that was okay…. It would be better like this…..” Sigh. The fact that there are no leftovers cannot be attributed to my cooking triumph but simply to the fact that from the minute I get home until dinner is served I FORBID him to put a morsel of food in his mouth.  Therefore when I raise the gates he clears the pan before I can blink and then tells me what I did wrong. When I met Tween Girl she was just as picky as her father.  I should have taken that as a warning sign, but being that she was actually in the age group these foods are aimed at I thought “Oh, she will out-grow it”.  Five years later and dinner usually starts with her fixing herself 1/3 of a spoon full of whatever I have cooked and ends with her in tears when she’s told that she must clean her plate before she is allowed to even think about getting up.  As torturous as it may sound I am saved by my red-card tactic, “You made your plate so you can clean your plate”.  Works every time! Then there is our diva daughter.  I used to pull my hair out trying to get this child to eat.  If there was meat anywhere near her plate nothing would be touched by her fork.  Then soon after she turned 4 a light bulb turned on in her head “Whoa if I make a happy plate (our term for a completely clean plate) I can have some of that yummy ice cream mom bought at the store today!”  Thus my little vegetarian has become my happy plate pioneer! And she gets her ice cream to boot.  By far my biggest difficulty is with Baby Boy.  As soon as the simple mention of dinner is made and the pots and pans removed from their home he squeals and shrieks “Ewwwwww I donlikeit!!!”  It’s all down-hill from there.  Although I will credit him for his many tactics-

A-     Sneak a toy to the table, maybe mommy won’t notice I’m not touching my food.

 

B- Convince mommy to spoon feed me while insisting I am a big boy. 

                    

And finally his new favorite-

C-     Swallow what mommy makes me eat and then gag myself until I throw it all up....All over my plate. 

 

 C is entirely new and earned him a quick ejection from the dinner table.Score 3 for Baby Boy and 0 for mommy. 

           I know that they won’t actually allow themselves to starve and that when they are hungry they will eat.  Baby Boy proved that when we searched for him for 20 minutes only to find him cowering in a corner devouring a box of Cheese-Its, resourceful indeed. Yet the nights of sending Baby Boy, Tween Girl and occasionally Diva Daughter to bed with empty bellies I am left with a heavy heart.  I swore long ago that my children would never go hungry, yet at least 3 nights a week my children brush their teeth and climb into bed with growling tummies.  As much as it pains me (and them) I am sticking to it!